
Ui'icle Frank's 

FISH STORIES, 

WlTli 

POEMS 

OF A F?SM FL.AVOR 








CopyriglitN^. 



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TO S. A»A YORK I^INOOI^IV 

who first encouraged me in writing, this book 
is respectfully dedicated. 



Copyright 1918 
by J. F. Withey 



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) ) ) )..._ 

UrcIg Frank's 
FISH STOPIES. 



WITH 

POEMS 

OF A FISH FLAVOR 

.1. rRANixLix wn nrv. 




J. FRANKLIN WITHHY. 
BOSTON. I,OS ANGELE<. 



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Uncle Frank's Fish Stories 

AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF UNCLE 
FRANK 

1 am known to the literary world as 
Uncle iMank. IJorn in Glasgow, England, 
as near as I can find out in 1732. It says 
on the Hy leaf of Webster's Dictionary, 
John Scabby, Born July 4th, 1732. I have 
been of such a roving disposition that I 
have changed my name a number of times 
to suit my taste. In my early life I learned 
the trade of carpenter. It was too hard 
work for me; accordingly I borrowed ten 
dollars apiece of my brother and cousin and 
with $10 of my own bought a printing press 
and entered the job printing i)usiness. I 
also took the treasuryship of the Lynn City 
St. Railway Co. The railway sold out to 
another company and I gave up my print- 
1 



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ing business and entered the plumbing busi- 
ness, as clerk in the office of the L. A. May 
Co., Lynn, Mass. Continued in the business 
for eleven years and then located on a farm 
in Danvers Center. Continued there for 
seven years when I returned to Lynn and 
re-entered the printing business for five 
years, when I came to California. I have 
been deputy assessor for 8 years. One year 
I went down to San Pedro for a few days. 
I was fishing off the coast of Catalina for 
tuna. I got a bite from a large one that 
pulled me overboard. I w^as s\vallowed by 
a whale. It was a female whale; she took 
a notion to me and invited me to stop a 
few days. I took a room up close to her 
left eye where it was light and I could look 
out and see the stars in the night. 

Mrs. Whale Has Ptomaine Poisoning 
One day Mrs. Whale swallowed a case 
2 



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Mrs. Whale Has Callers 

We were off the coast of Norway one 
night and suddenly a submarine of good size 
came through the side of the whale. It 
stuck fast half way in and pluged the open- 
ing so there was no leak. She invited them 
to stop. One of the Fejee Island cannibals 
was on board with his wife and twelve 
children. Mrs. Whale gave them a swell 
dinner and this was the 
Menu 

Whale's spawn, shark's fins; for tooth- 
picks, sand paper napkins: with each guest's 
picture on it; silver napkins from Daniel 
Low of Salem, Mass., six inches in diame- 
ter; sunfish jelly, sea weed flavor; crab's 
eyeballs, oystrich gizzards, baked elephant's 
heart, rhinoceros gravy, cabbage salad with 
Bell's Dresing, chocolate ice cream made 
in Iceland, sponge cake with mullberry 
4 



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filling, olive oil, cherry wine, chocolate 
drops three inches in diameter. There were 
also some side dishes. The party left late 
at night and I afterward heard that the 
submarine mysteriously exploded from the 
inside and all on board were lost. 

Mrs. Whale Installs an Electric Plant 

Mrs. Whale was at a loss at first to know 
how to furnish power for the electric plant, 
but finally decided that when she spouted 
water and it descended, nothing could be 
better. She arranged to fill the swimming 
pool with it. It made a splendid shower 
bath. ; 

Mrs. Whale had a pet cat. It was sleep- 
ing on the edge of the swimming pool one 
day, fell in and was drowned. She decided 
to have a funeral. The casket was very 
expensize. The funeral procession con- 
5 



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Mrs. Whale likes fruit 



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sisted of 12 Limosines from all over the 
world. All kinds of cats were represented 
— black, white, mixed, angora. A wild cat 
sat on the seat with the undertaker. The 
minister was an Episcopal from London, 
England. He was highly educated and 
talked in five languages. Mrs. Whale 
erected a monument in her cemetery and 
placed this inscription on it: "Here lies 
the body of my pet cat, Dorothy Jane 
Whale. She never scratched or stayed out 
nights and disturbed the neighbors." The 
bearers were 12 canary birds. There was a 
profusion of flowers, including a wreath 
from Queen Isabella, a cross from Pope 
Pius the 12th. There was a boquet of flow- 
ers on the cat's breast from Mirinda Catnip 
Easterbrook of Newport, R. I. 



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Mrs. Whale Acts as a Transport 

She came alongside of the dock at 94th 
street, N. Y. Six thousand of our brave 
boys marched down Broadway and were re- 
viewed by the President, Secretary of the 
Navy and Governor of New York. When 
Mrs. Whale started she lashed the sea in 
such a way that it made great waves. They 
came up on the wharf and washed a number 
of people overboard. She swallowed 27 sol- 
diers' wives. They were buried in her cem- 
etery and a monument erected and this was 
the epitaph: "In memory of the wives 
of the brave soldiers. May they be re- 
warded in the future as they will never 
draw a widow's pension." The whale trans- 
port left New York Monday morning at 
nine o'clock, and the soldiers were in Lon- 
don Tuesday noon, and had a fish dinner 
at 2 o'clock. 14000 nippers were consumed, 
7 



3000 lobsters. 6 barrels of clams and 15 auto 
trucks of water mellons. The Prince of 
Wales helped shock the clams. Lord Dusen- 
bery boiled the lobsters, the U. S. minister 
fried the claims. The brave boys presented 
Mrs. Whale with an American flag which 
she carries at her masthead. She also car- 
ries a large cannon for protection. She is 
getting to be a very heavy fish. 

Mrs. Whale Lays Out a Park 
She selects a location directly in her cen- 
ter, runng back one quarter of a mile and 
makes it wide enough to allow of an avenue 
on each side 60 ft. wide. She constructed 
a fence of fish bones of different kinds of 
of fish fastened together with LePages 
Liquid Glue and further reinforced wnth 
fishes' teeth. At the entrance v.-ere erected 
the jaw bones of whales taken from whales 
8 




A private residence — Fishville 



J 



200 years old. The key stones consisted of 
a pearl from a Palestine oyster over 400 
years of age. For protection at the foot 
of the archways were secured goldfish ten 
feet in length. The gates were made of 
whales' teeth secured together in different 
designs. The park sloped from the back 
with a Greek theater on the slope and a 
fountain in the center of the park. The 
avenues were paved with fishes' scales, laid 
in fish glue. Trees from all parts of the 
world were selected by Mrs. Whale, she do- 
ing her own freighting. They were set out 
by prominent authors of all ages. I had 
the pleasure of setting out a juniper tree 
at the entrance to Mrs. Whale's pavilion. 
Edgar Allan Poe sat out a weeping willow. 
James Whitcomb Riley run to small trees 
and bushes on country roads. Oliver Wen- 
dell Holmes set out palm trees, and John 
G. Whittier contributed cedars of different 
9 



kinds. They each placed a copy of their 
works in the trunks of the trees. I have 
often see Mrs. Whale's grandchildren seated 
in their grandmother's pavilion reading 
Uncle Frank's Fish Stories. In the garden 
Josh Billings planted a patch of cabbages 
and Artemus Ward a lied of horseradish. 
Chas. Dickens set out a variety of flowering 
bushes. The Greek theater had a capacity 
of 10,000. Every seat was upholstered with 
plush. The stage would accommodate 4000 
with all the ancient and modern conven- 
iences. A pipe organ costing $25,000 was 
installed, run by huge bellows operated by 
porpoises. 

There was in the center of the lake which 
was situated in the center of the park a 
fountain which was operated by spouting 
whales. This was enjoyed so much by them 
that it was always going. The distance 
from the surface of the lake to the canopy 
10 



(Mrs. W.) Once. (King) Did you receive 
an education? (Mrs. W.) I received a very 
little schooling. I attended the Fish Col- 
lege in Boston according to my parents' 
wishes but to my own dislike. Not feeling 
like attending school one afternoon I took 
a pleasure trip down the harbor and was 
sunning myself outside of Egg rock. Along 
came a school of mackerel. After watching 
them awhile to allow them to grow fat, I 
swallowed the whole school. Not feeling 
well the next day I left college and returned 
home much to the displeasure of my pa- 
rents. That was the only schooling I ever 
received. (King) Are you and your hus- 
band living together? (Mrs. W.) We were 
divorced 27 years ago. (iKng) Had you 
any children? (Mrs. W.) One lot of 15. 
(King) What kind of children are they? 
(Mrs. W.) They are not all good looking, 
12 




The Mackerel School of Scientific Fisheries 



p^^i^ 



they are not inclined to work and are with- 
out an exception good' feeders. My hus- 
band never wanted to go with me anywhere, 
but I was always wanting to go to grand 
balls and social occasions, of all kinds. I 
always attended the enaguration ball, used 
to have my dresses made in New York 
and the afternoon of the ball take a swim 
up the Potomac and spend the evening in 
front of the White house. My husband 
would fall asleep a number of times during 
the evening. I have danced with persons 
representing all nations in the world. My 
husband was once jealous on one of these 
occasions of the King of Spain. I was 
present at the ball given to Lafayette on 
the occasion of his visit to the United 
States. My dresses were made in Paris and 
I employed 12 dressmakers at the time. 
(The king tries to look careless but has a 
kind of a financial embarrassed worried 
look.) Lafayette sailed from France to 
13 



America under my protection. I had the 
pleasure of dancing with him and was intro- 
duced to a number of his gentleman friends, 
i have met them quite often since (king 
looks unpleasant). (King) Have you a 
good appetite? (Mrs. \V.) 1 like to eat 
but am quite particular. 1 often serve 
whole warmed whales hearts to gentlemen 
callers. The king attempted to come on 
board when Mrs. \V. shrugged her shoul- 
ders, tilted her hat and shook her tiag at 
masthead, backed away from the pier and 
swam away to Alaska to obtain a cold shoul- 
der fit for a king. 

A Fish Story (A Littie Personal Experi- 
ence) 

I was aboard my launch one afternoon off 
the coast of Catalina. 1 was hshmg over 
the side with a strong line fastened around 
my waste. I secured rive barrels of various 
kinds of fish. Thej' were standing by my 
14 



side and I went to sleep. The next I knew 
I was being pulled over the side followed 
by a barrel of tish. The sensation was quite 
peculiar. Surrounded by falling hsh i sank 
m very deep water. On the way down 1 
cut my neck on a swordfish, my ribs came 
in contact with a rock cod tish, fractured 
my right arm in two places and landed head 
first on a coral reef. The fish continued 
to drag me until i came ashore in Los An- 
geles Harbor. A surgeon was called and I 
was carried to the city. I don't recall his 
name at present although he has sent me 
his bill a number of times since. He gath- 
ered up what he could of my brains and put 
them in a gallon glass jar. I preserved 
them properly and presented them to the 
museum in Exposition Park. This is what 
it says on the label on the glass jar. One- 
fifth of the brains of Uncle Frank, author 
and house carpenter. I was all bunged up 
and felt miserable for a month. 

UNCLE FRANK. 



Don't be too fresh 
Let the fish do that 
You can use salt 



Mrs. Whale Produces Gounod's Oratorio of 
The Messiah 

Full bands came from all parts of the 
world, including O'Flarity's Band of Dublin, 
and the Japan brass band of Tokio, 300 
members. There was a company of bag 
pipers 200 strong. There were 100 harps 
and the same number of Dulciners. There 
were a large number of bass viols, some of 
them made from large size tunas who had 
died witli the colic. There was no end to the 
number of ambitious fiddlers. There were 
some instruments I did not know the names 
pf, ancient and modern. Jacobs Harp was 
quite prominent at all times. A steam 
whistle chimes was installed as v/ell as a 
chime of bells. The chime of bells always 
rang at twilight the evening of each day. 
I used to like to hear them play "Oft in 
the Stilly Night." There were 40 bass 
horns and 1300 cornets of different tones 
with about as many trombones as could be 
16 



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i''* R n is 
^ f< M K '^ S ]« i«r 



Haddock Building, Fishville 



operated on the stage without pushing 
people over or off of the stage. However, 
the stage was not crowded. 

For officers, attendants, etc., for the occa- 
sion a variety was provided. For ticket 
agents at the gates monkeys were provided 
that had only received a business educa- 
tion. They served for their board. For pa- 
trolmen about the grounds lions were em- 
ployed and a few bears. It was not neces- 
sary for the lions to carry billys or fire- 
arms of any kind. They could overpower 
any person without them. They did not 
have to handcuff anyone, just make them 
walk by their side. The bears were em- 
ployed in cases where intoxicated persons 
were found staggering about the streets. 
If the persons did not proceed along to 
the police station the bears would stand on 
their hind legs and hug them. They would 
also let them ride on their backs. For the 
mounted police service large size tigers 
17 



were provided and for parade occasions 
giraffes and ostriches. There was always 
a parade before the entertainment consist- 
ing of a number of bands while sometimes 
the soloist, leaders and big guns of all kinds 
would ride in automobiles. It did look 
grand to see a procession headed by a squad 
of giraffes and ostriches. In case of a dis- 
turbance the tigers could ride down any 
kind of crowds and they were good to clear 
the streets at any time and make the people 
stand back when necessary. The chief of 
police had a zebra of good proportion and 
very nicely striped. He made a very im- 
posing appearance. 

In place of having to request the ladies 
to remove their hats a number of monkeys 
were employed to jump from seat to seat 
and remove them for them. Kangaroes 
were employed to furnish drinking water 
to the audience. They carried the water 
in their pouches. It was the design of Mrs. 
18 



Whale to produce the Iltrovato oratorio 
to test the capacity of the orchestra, etc. 
Twelve anvils were provided and 12 ourang 
to use any weight of hammers and the an- 
vils would ring some when those hammers 
came down. Mrs. Whale had cannons on 
hand for self protection at all times. The 
leader of chorus and orchestra was Carl 
Von Hans Haberkacherzer, a man seven 
feet in height. He used a very nicely made 
whale bone for a baton. The lady soloists 
names were Madam La Augustine Lafrance, 
Madam Charlotte Maud Dupont, Madam 
Carlisle Phobe Esterbrook, Madam Kate 
Cathrine Mulleganey and a large number 
of others. I will not attempt to name the 
gentlemen soloists, although I have all of 
their autographs. I had an awful lame arm 
carrying around a large size autograph 
album. Had to carry it in a sling at one 
time. I used to attend the rehearsals on in- 
19 



*«»^se»«*«3«l^^ 




Sun Fish Euildi::. 



Jt?«it»§it-iSJ^ifif?gitif?Sif% 



vitation of Mrs. Whale. They were won- 
derful and stunning. How my ears would 
ring evenings after a day's rehearsal. 

When that orchestra and chorus was in 
full swing there was something doing and 
Mrs. Whale would bring her flippers to- 
gether in a way that you could hear some- 
thing. The day arrived for the great event. 
The people began to arrive at daylight 
from everywhere under the sun. The loca- 
tion was thought to be best on the New 
Jersey water front, as a central point for 
all people, animals, fish and all kinds of 
attendants. Mrs. Whale spent a number 
of days beforehand bringing invited guests 
and deadheads. A residential district as 
well as a hotel and boarding house district 
was established. Mrs. Whale did not at- 
tempt to run any of these things. She had 
too much on her flippers. Of all the bow- 
ing, scraping and hand paw and flipper 
20 



shaking there never before was such an ex- 
hibition under the sun. Mrs. Whale had 
to take a rest before the opening chorus. 
The parts were well rendered and well re- 
ceived until it came to the Hallellujah 
chorus. Just as they struck the grand 
scream Mrs. Whale happened to think how 
funny the ourang outangs had always 
looked when operating the anvils and 
opened her mouth to laugh when there was 
a rush of wind that came out and started a 
hurrycane that swept across the country at 
a furious rate, blowing down buildings, up- 
rooting trees and doing all kinds of dam- 
age. It finally crossed the Amazon river 
and blew a baby carriage containing a baby 
into the river. An alligator immediately 
seized it and was so taken with it that it 
wanted to adopt it. For fear that it might 
be kidnapped it swallowed it. After having 
done it it was so lonesome it shed bitter 
21 



tears and in such a quantity that it raised 
the river two inches the entire length. A 
rather sad ending to the oratorio produc- 
tion. Mrs. Whale was quite sad. A number 
of suits for damages by the hurricane were 
brought against Mrs. Whale. She employed 
a few lawyers and a retired judge as chief 
counsel to conduct her defence. They put 
their heaos together and had their brains 
weighed. The combined weight was 113 lbs. 
This was the substance of their defence. 
According to the evidence millions of dol- 
lars damages were done but no more than 
outangs to operate them. They were able 
is often done. Nature produces hurricanes 
and the cause of the start cannot always 
be explained. According to Mrs. Whale's 
make up and the unusual pressure brought 
to bear upon her nature asserted itself and 
it was absolutely necessary that she should 
breathe. The court dismissed all suits. 
22 



The board of lawyers charged large sums 
for their services and agreed to take their 
pay partly in money and partly in fish. The 
gate receipts amounted to $1,000,000. The 
expenses vyere never reckoned but went into 
her expense account. 

A True Fish Story by which I Received 
Some Experiences 
I took a notion to enter the business of 
raising fish and constructed what I thought 
were proper ponds, tanks and other appli- 
ances adapted to the business. I even 
constructed a trout book. The outlay cost 
me 600 dollars. I haven't much money, be- 
ing a second rate poet I installed an ice 
plant and am able to cool the water in one 
apartment in order to raise salmon. I had 
a desire to have apartments for raising wal- 
ruses in order to raise walrus meat, because 
I thought walrus meat would have a ready 
sale at a high price, but it was beyond my 
23 



means. My first venture was raising mack- 
erel. I secured a quantity of spawn and 
put it in an apartment and awaited the re- 
sults. They hatched in great quantities. 
They were rather crowded but I fed them 
strong and I caught thousands of them. I 
sold them all to neighbors for 50 cents 
apiece. I made enough in that one ven- 
ture to pay for the entire plant. I never 
did as well afterwards. I stocked my trout 
pond, to which was connected a trout brook 
with a walk on each side the whole length, 
I spent a great deal of my time trout fish- 
ing. The steps I have taken up and down 
that brook are startling to think about. I 
used to catch a number of them. When I 
caught a fine speciman I always invited a 
poet to take dinner with me. I never caught 
one weighing less than twelve pounds. The 
poets always claimed that fish made brains 
and v/ould stuff themselves accordingly. 
24 



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Then after each meal they would entertain 
me with their choicest effusions. I never 
would let them pay me anything, so they 
would give me a copy of their works. I 
caught a large number of trout, entertained 
a great deal and have an unusually large 
library. One day I caught a trout that 
weighed forty-eight pounds. I gave a din- 
ner to all the fat men with whom I was 
acquainted and invited a comic story writer 
as well as a comic poet. You should have 
seen the men enjojnng themselves. After 
stuffing themselves to the limit the comic 
writers would read selections for their bene- 
fit. They would laugh and laugh and then 
laugh some more. I enjoyed it myself but 
it was awfully expensive. Somehow or 
other I was always behind in my affairs, 
and not being a very noted poet my income 
was not very large. There were no end of 
presents, so when the time came around to 
25 



^Sll^S#lS^StStSt^»$^^rS 



g?^5C2C«€«€S€!!S2€«€S€?€5€SS!!€ 



report for the iiic(;nie tax assessment J had 
nothinj< to rcp<jrt, J may liave exaf4gerate<i 
in this story, but if 1 have excited your 
ima^^inatiun or hurt y(jur feelings in any 
way kindly for{<ive me, remembering 1 have 
had an expensive experience. 1 used to 
enjoy myself watching the fish. There were 
some bullfrogs in the ponds that 1 used to 
like to hear uttering the deep guteral sounds. 
Always they seem to me to be saying, 
"l^addy got drunk." That was what I was 
told when a boy that they were saying. 1 
asked one of them why they were always 
saying the same thing. He said people 
generally did not know what they were say- 
ing. There was really more to it. Paddy 
not only got drunk but was always drinking. 
So much so that he had the delirium 
tremens and would rave nights and couldn't 
sleep. As a better excuse for his sleepless- 
ness he used to say that he couldn't sleep 
26 



imm^mm^^^mm^^^^^^ 



i^i^J^^^^^^^i^^^^^l 



Ijecause he was thinking so much. Some- 
times the frogs would join in the expression, 
"Paddy got drunk" (connecting line under- 
stood between them) "couldn't sleep nights" 
because he thunk. 



ri^& 



THE ROYAL FISH MONGER 

This story was told me by Mrs. Maro:aret 
Haddock of New Bedford, Mass. She was 
quite a large lady who prided herself on 
her ability to keep summer boarders — to 
provide for their comfort and accommoda- 
tions and prepare the most wonderful 
dishes, better than other peoples, without 
any question. She once told me that the 
secret of cooking was not confined to the 
articles used but depended mostly on the 
person's skill in preparation, the propor- 
tions used and said that in her experience 
of thirty years in the article of cake alone, 
no matter what the kind, she never made 
a loaf that contained over one egg, and 
sometimes only a portion of the white was 
used. 

Among the persons who came to her 
was a Miss Hake of a quiet, retiring na- 
27 




Residence of the general-all-around-man 



ture; while Mrs. Haddock was forceful, 
Miss Hake was of an opposite nature and 
desired to be by herself. She spent the 
most of her time on the grounds in the rear 
of the hotel swimming in the brooks and 
pools enjoying the shade, the sun baths, 
etc., while Mrs. Haddock made fish balls, 
clam chowder, chicken pie, fried fish, etc., 
the best in the world. This was the cir- 
cumstances one day when a man came to 
the door and called for Miss Hake. He 
was shown mto the premises by a servant 
named Geo. Black Bass, a pompous indi- 
vidual who considere himself as useful to 
ever3'body's existence, accordingly word 
went around the hotel "Miss Hake wanted 
by a gentleman." Now this was not en- 
tirely agreeable to Miss Hake, but not en- 
tirely to her dislike. She was forty-five 
years of age, had made the acquaintance 
28 



of a large number of male inhabitants of 
different localities and was still single with 
no visable means of support. To have 
it noised about the hotel that a gentleman 
wished to see her was a cause of much 
satisfaction to her while at the same time 
there were there ones whose attention she 
had refused. 

Miss Hake expressed her willingness to 
entertain him on the back veranda by the 
running brook. He announced himself as 
the royal fish monger, his employers as 
well as his patrons being royal personages 
from all contries. His territory was along 
the New England coast and he was known 
from the far east coast of Maine to the 
aristocratic localities of New Jersey. His 
special mission at this time was to obtain 
for the son of a certain king, an agreeable 
companion, not with the view of matri- 
29 



mony altogether, but for his pleasurable 
existence as well as her helpfulness to him 
in many ways. 

Mrs. Haddock claimed that she had 
known the royal person in this case and 
was delighted to be in a position to recom- 
mend them to each other, not that she was 
a match maker at all but wanted to oblige 
her acquaintances at all times and make 
herself of use in the world. Miss Hake 
made herself very agreeable, gliding about. 
As to his reputation he had made himself 
so successful in his vocation he had re- 
ceived numerous presents of all kinds, 
among them specially made kitchen uten- 
sils, carving knives of special designs, with 
carved handles of elegant workmanship; 
souvenir vases, and silver ware which she 
could expect if she once entered such so- 
ciety. She reclined on the bank of the 
30 



brook and came very much interested. He 
said that he thought from her personal ap- 
pearance which suggested an agreeable dis- 
position, that it would be only necessary for 
him to present her to him. In her eager- 
ness she unbosomed herself to him and 
said: "Do you really think that if I should 
without any reserve give myself to him to 
be under his protection, he would gladly 
receive me with pleasurable acceptance hav- 
ing our mutual happiness in the future the 
object in view." He answered her: "I think 
that if vou should lay bare to him your lov- 
ing heart he would accept it and I would 
be w^illing to do anything that I could to 
promote the matter." At this time he put 
his ear to her breast and said her heart 
was a most wonderful one beating very ac- 
curately. He exhibited at this time a two 
hundred dollar carving knife of a peculiar 
shaped point and in his eagerness to press 



his case began to touch Miss Hake with 
it to show her what could be done without 
pain. In the eagerness of the occasion he 
pierced her sitje near the region of the 
heart. With the instinct of her kind she 
gave a quick start, a sudden glide, a quick 
turn and was away down the brook out of 
the premises and was so frightened that 
she continued to the Missippi river, swam 
the whole length as well as the Missouri, 
Ohio, Hudson, over Niagara Falls, the St 
Lawrence, Amazon, Nile and numerous 
other rivers. 

A missionary acquaintance of mine in- 
formed me that he saw her once on the 
east coast of Africa headed south. I af- 
terward learned that she received a swim- 
ming license. She was recommended to 
the Allied Societies of the Navies of the 
world by the wife of the President and 
became a valued adjunct. 



She was employed as a locator of bombs, 
vessel destroyers, of all kinds, also a loca- 
tor of submarines. She was proivded with 
a wireless outfit and became verv valuable. 
The last I heard of her she had her life 
insured for fifty thousand dollars and was 
still swimming and although she received 
her living from the briny deep she received 
a monthly salary from the Allies and is 
opposed to the opposite sex. She believes 
in democracy and is opposed to royalty. 
She says she is going to swim from now 
on and eternally. 



THE MINNOW 

A sweet little fish is the minnow 
I've known it when but a day old 

I don't mean sweet to eat, 

When it's been fried and is cold. 

But when it comes to the surface, 
And I throw it a crumb of sponge cake, 

It always smiles and says to me, 
It is better to give than to take. 

A codfish entered my kitchen, 

Totally against its will; 
Some person had cut off its head. 

And did it with very much skill. 

He cut it otherwise also, 

So much so its feelings were hurt, 
But we all liked the stuffing so muchly, 

We declined having any dessert. 



s^t^sl§tst^^[§l^ 



FISH DELIGHT 

I love to see the fishes glide through waters 
clear, 

Their swinging tails on shining hinges set 
And hear the croaking bullfrog near, 

While on the wet and mossy bank 1 set. 

I love to see the tuna flop his flippers, 
Electric trout shoot up the running brook, 

And watch the ever restless nippers, 
While I read a charming book. 

I like the fish all nicely fried, 
Extracted from the crystal deep, 

And get the pleasing taste inside, 
Then eat too much and go to sleep. 



^^^^i&^^^^^^i^^m^^ 



3300 IKS BY 

Uncle Frank's Fish Stories 
Uncle Frank's Poems 
Spice Soap 

Please Be Good Series A 

Series B Miscellaneoits 

Nonsense with Observations and 
Conclusions by Uncle Frank 

( IN PRCPARATIOM ) 



